#i have not slept a full night for days
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first twdg essay removed from the comic and it's already 12k words.
it's like louis said though. she grows on you, or something.
update: louis was right. essay very done and lonely without people reading. and he need to shUT. UP WITH HIS FRIENDSHIP. >:(
#volt's shit#twdg#twdg violet#the walking dead game#violentine#oh yeah it's a violentine essay kinda too#i have not slept a full night for days#so best believe once i post it i am crashing#posting these updates are the only break#yes ive eaten it was a good salad#now i must#write
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i was feeling very eepy and not up to completing tasks so i took some adderall and let myself lay down for a nap with the thought being that the adderall would kick in and prevent me from sleeping for too long and then id be all ready to do shit when i woke up and folks. ima be honest the hypothesis did not quite play out
#me groggily emerging two hours later#i feel like the nap ate the adderall lmao#the intention was just to kind of lay down for like twenty to thirty minutes oops#txt posts#personal#oops#i hate having a body it is so senseless#the other night i slept for like. four hours before waking up super early for no gd reason#and i was like “its fine ill nap later its not like i have anywhere to be”#did not nap but also? energy was overall fine all day felt no urge to nap#last night slept a full eight hours and today im like#omg so eepy#need nap... sleepy...#and im like BRUH WHAT DO YOU WANT
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Wait, it's Wednesday today?! (Where the fuck did my Tuesday go?)
That means it's We Are day
But, also, most importantly, the first The Rebound day of the week!
Can't wait to watch them both in a couple of hours after running some errands.
#considering I painted until 2 am last night#it's understandable that I have no idea what day it is#losing track of days is normal when I'm in full out creation mode and so busy I can't even remember having slept in between#lmao#fortunately I got back on track before I realized I'd forgotten to watch my beloved Wednesday shows#we are the series#the rebound#the rebound the series#thai ql#thai bl#thai series#my shit
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you know what i really want? folders in the likes, and you can drag and drop the like into the folder
#i'd have a folder for every slav type#i'd be so organized u wouldn't even recognize me#apropos at my american friends do yall remember when a man lost the presidential election for saying he had binders full of women?#fuck#those really were the days#staff#have i said this before?#i've thought it before re the thing about the folders#i don't always say what i think but today my brain is broken because i slept 4 hours last night because otherwise i wouldn't be able to do#work that makes me feel anxious today#which i have to do as it is part of my job#for fucks sake somebody medicate me just the exact right amount pls
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Have I been banished to the no sleep realm or something
#Why I am i consecutively staying up all night and then sleeping all day#not that i didnt do this before but i swear i have only had one full 'night' of sleep once this whole week#adn that was because i went on a trip somewhere so i slept at 5am woke up at 7am to get there early#meaning i was EXHAUSTED and could not stop myself from closing my eyes and i actually went to sleep at 8pm#is this another pmdd thing#im still figuring it out idk#pmdd posting#lasar being incoherent
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mm give me strength
#logbook#had some shit go down yesterday. . god i havent slept a full nights rest all week nor had a dinner except for. maybe monday?#i talked with my manager and she said i could do a half day today so if i could get my ass off this mattress. there ya go.#on the last stretch guys. . .today tmrw sat and sun. hopefully i dont need sunday tho.#i got to vent to 2 friends yesterday. thank you friends. i am feeling a bit better.#more confident and less despairful.#also may have plans this evening too?? so theres that
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gm all you beautiful wonderful ppl in my phone
#last night i slept for the longest i have(a full 6 hrs) since my surgery!!#in addition to that last night was also the first time that i haven't had a nightmare since then as well 🙏🏻#the dream was so vivid too#it was basically me going just absolutely bananas at a buffet that only severed cheeseburgers lmao ridiculous i kno but it was soo good 😭#no pain or anything either i was living life to the fullest in that dream moment#woke up hungry af too#which is also great bc i've barely been able to eat or stomach anything for days 💀#i'm so happy i could cry fr y'all
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On a bright note today i saw : - one cat (in passing as i was in the bus : it was black) - a magpie (either reckless or supremely unconcerned about the fact that the bus was upon her and she kept HOPPING as she crossed the road instead of like. flying away.)(get this. she was... jaywalking) - lots of dogs ! pretty colored ones with eyes white as ice - a big black heron flying up above
And i did : - buy vegetables and fruits at the market - get my blood taken, got the results, won't die tomorrow apparently (real reading of the results will have to wait on monday or tuesday) - find good (well i hope. we'll see in time) new shoes for nature/long walking. not a fan of the plastic-instead-of-usually-in-metal bits, but they felt really comfortable and fitted to my feet which is rare - listened to live music ! saw a lot of people having fun. it was quite nice
#3615 my life#trying to rentabilize my last two days of holidays...#i'm not rested at all#but i have two new pillows since yesterday and i didn't even agonize hours before buying them#(also because i bought the too and at least that way i can find which one is better for me and have a second one for guests / reclining)#trying the second one tonight...#i don't have pillow case of the right size for them which also change the feeling. the harder one too ensconsed was harder as a result#i slept ok but it wasn't full peacefulness of the face (which lives half into the pillow as i sleep)#but this means the soft one which i feared was too soft to use by itself and not crick my neck#might actually be the perfect way to have a “middle hardness” effect between the soft and hard one#i will not have gotten to sleep before midnight a single time in those holidays. bad look for my 'get your night cycle right again for july
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currently in the middle of season 12 and just. god. "i know my past" yeah i thought i knew my past too. life is funny that way, isn't it.
thirteen is such a mess and angry and me and i have not watched her go yet okay. but once i do i will just. die i guess.
#alex yells at the void#no cause for some reason the tesla episode made me have a breakdown????#full on sobbing on the floor n everything#triggers are weird as shit sometimes#also it's after ten pm and i am not tired. haven't slept all day or last night. what the FUCK is happening here
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unfortunately it's still so fucking over 😔
#did not have a restful night's sleep at all#only slept for 5 hours and woke up with swollen eyes and the headache still isn't gone#my mom keeps saying that i have to pull through and that it's always difficult being the new one but i refuse being treated this way#the problem is i can't just quit bc i received a scholarship from them & agreed to work full time for a year in return#i could pay back the scholarship with interest charges but i don't want to spend my entire savings on that#i found a really good job offer from another pharmacy but it doesn't really make sense to apply there since i'm still tied to my current..#pharmacy for 11 months#but i'm scared that once those 11 months are up i won't be able to find such a good job offer again#tbh it sounds too good to be true bc it claims you only have to work 4 days a week and no saturdays that would be ideal#but i doubt there will still be such an offer in a year... i really don't know what to do i'm so indecisive :(#i uses to really enjoy working in my pharmacy despite the long working hours and even having to work full saturdays..#but it's just getting worse every week and i can't stand to work with one of my colleagues anymore she's just insufferable#my concerns are not taken seriously and i'm clearly taken advantage of and treated poorly bc i'm the new one#☁️
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The difference between insomnia as a symptom and having a "decreased need for sleep" is that, while both results in you spending an ungodly amount of hours awake and not able to sleep, insomnia will result in a exhausted sleepy person while someone with a "decreased need for sleep" will not be sleepy or exhausted.
#rambles#tmi and bad decisions ahead#i have barely slept the past three nights#i can't fall asleep nor can i stay asleep#and while i can sense something is off enough with my body that it probably would be a good idea to get a full night's rest...#i am at regular functioning capacity#i'm not tired or sleepy... i don't need a nap#i am pretty much fine for the most part#which is even funnier considering that i am sick right now and that's when people feel exhausted the most#hypomania is a trip man#i'm beginning to think that certain games like instinctively triggers my hypomania#because this only started after i started playing graveyard keeper again...#games like that put me in this weird state of mind where i hyperfocus and obsess to the point that i can play for like the entire day#and this is coming from someone who usually does not play a single game for more than an hour at a time#so to go from one hour to like.... 8-10+ hours is rather concerning...#a part of me does wonder if it's actually hypomania or if i'm just physically weird#idk i don't think i've been displaying other hypomanic symptoms... at least i don't think so....#either way regardless my plan for this evening is to get drunk AND take one of my meds that causes drowsiness so i can hopefully sleep well#wish me luck! :)
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i really couldn't hack it in a city. i let a man holding a 48 pack of water go ahead of me in aldi because duh, i had a full cart of groceries. and there was only one queue open. so duh.
this man thanked me. THREE times. i think i made his day.
#also! very exciting! the cashier who's been my cashier every time i've been called me darling today 🥺#i got a good grade in customer#didn't go to the theater because i barely slept last night so the day would've been too long#but next time i will#aldi + eating predominantly fresh produce = my fridge is FULL#no joke. it has never been this full ever before even when i was a kid#maybe parosmia is a blessing in disguise because i spent about 10 minutes today hunting for a frozen food i thought wouldn't trigger it#just like every time literally could not do it#and decided to just 'make do' with an entire fridge full of fresh food‚ pasta/rice/grain‚ frozen veg‚ plus dairy meat etc#😪 guess i'll just have to keep eating lots and lots of mostly or completely unprocessed meals 🤧#adam talks too much
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My mood has been such a horrible roller coaster the past couple of days, to the point of making me physically ill for an entire day
I'd like to be okay, please and thank you
#i am miserable for several reasons#and then really excited for several other reasons#but like jfc sometimes they clash together and it makes my head spin#I have had a really shitty appetite as well which is NOT a problem for me like goodness gracious#especially since I started T#but I had a full night of just sobbing a couple of days ago#like I would fall asleep start crying in my dream and then wake up and cry more#I think i slept for like 2 hours#that was???? friday or saturday#I think saturday#idk man its just been gross up in my brain
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#ah#so i slept for a little less than 5 hours last night and what i did sleep was restless/full of bad dreams#not anticipating the long day i have in front of me#will not be in a good mood that i can assure you#but maybe God’s goodness and strength will make itself known through this i have to believe that#i’m already tired and its only 7
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just spent the whole fucking day. wasted the whole day. SLEEPING.
#it’s like. so over. like i just slept for 6 entire hours. why.#i’m like ok! i will nap! and then boom i basically get a full nights worth of sleep.#the worst part about it is i’m still fucking tired. and i just remembered i have school in like. a week. bye#i don’t even wanna do anything. i still wanna sleep. but i also don’t want to sleep. why am i wasting a perfectly good day#<- i say as if i do anything important or noteworthy on an average day anyway#not even this first time this has#happened either.’why#idk why i feel like this i probs should be sleeping more. i’m on break. but i feel like i just wasted time#like it’s 4:30 it should not be 4:30#my text
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#me: was extremely tired yesterdays night after 2 full 12 hours shifts at work#also me at 8:30 am in the morning today on my day off: O_O#wtf am i awake??? 😩 i wanted to sleep in but i awoke at said time if not earlier and overall didnt have a good rest and slept like 7 hours#but now i cant fall back asleep pls someone knock me tf out 😞#and my whole body hurts i guess i shouldve taken ibu and a herbal tea wouldve been nice#but my brain was tired fried yesterday so i forgot to take it#and dont have any herbal tea at home atm#🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️#tbd
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